As someone who is extremely career oriented with a very goal driven personality, the concept of “self care” was foreign to me up until recently. My mental health took a very negative turn this past year due to an ongoing situation in my life.
Everything was put into question, including my self worth. My doctors urged me to practice self care and to be kind to myself while I am on this journey of finding a path forward. Not just back to the way things were, but rather a path to a more healthy way of living.
But what is self care? I spent a better part of my life trying to get validation from family, peers, colleagues and authority figures. This involves constantly trying to predict what will please the people in my life and going out of my way to do it. So now that the table is turned, what exactly do I need to make myself happy?
As it turns out, self care can be quite simple and easy to practice! The key word here is “practice”. It takes time, and involves making the conscious decision of making yourself a priority. The definition is in the term itself. It’s all about taking care of yourself (physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually).
Some quick self care steps that you can start today:
Physical (sleep, exercise, healthy food choices) - exercise doesn’t have to be scary. It could be as simple as going for a 10 minute walk. Taking care of your body physically doesn’t have to feel like a chore. Try taking a bubble bath at the end of a long week, putting on a relaxing eye mask to rest your eyes, going to bed early so you wake up feeling rested and ready to start a new day, or enjoying a nice breakfast in the morning to set the tone on how you start your day (it doesn’t have to be a big feast, a nice yogurt parfait is yummy and a healthy treat first thing in the morning).
Emotional - allow yourself to feel your feelings without guilt and judgement. Don’t beat yourself up for having “negative” feelings. Feelings are what they are, they’re not right or wrong. Maybe you’re feeling sad or angry about a situation, that’s okay. Acknowledge the feeling, and let it pass. Be kind to yourself. My therapist always challenges my negative thoughts by asking me, “what would you say to your best friend if they’re the ones in your shoes”. I’m always more compassionate towards others but so hard on myself. But by asking myself this question “would I say this to my friend?” It really helps me get some perspective.
Social - I find this one to be so challenging because of my people pleasing tendencies. It’s okay to say “no” and set your boundaries so you don’t burn out. Our relationship with others are important, but so is the relationship with yourself. Surround yourself with support systems, and spend time with the people you love and trust. It’s okay to ask for help if you need it. There’s no shame, you are not weak. In fact, it takes real strength to be able to recognize that you need help, and to ask for it. Similar to how we want to be there for our loved ones, they also want us to give them the opportunity to be there for us as well. Don’t shut them out.
Spiritual - this could mean going to a place of worship, dedicating time for yourself to meditate and self-reflect, journaling (I do this when I am feeling overwhelmed with emotions. By writing it down it helps me process and identify my feelings), spending time in nature by going for walks, or sitting on the beach with your feet in the sand.
I am by no means an expert when it comes to mental health. I have learned various coping strategies and tools from amazing health care professionals since I started this journey of recovery. This series is not intended to substitute professional medical advice. I’m hoping that by sharing my stories and what I have learned, I will be able to help others out there who are also on this road of recovery. You are not alone! Remember, be kind to yourself, and take it one day at a time.